Friday, June 24, 2011

Forbidden Lines

A short list of lines I'm no longer allowed to use whilst playing an RPG.

1.  "Yeah, yeah, we get it, you're evil, you have a plan, yadda yadda.  Can we skip the monologue part and get to the 'poking you with pointy things' part?"

2.  "You're a tenth level fighter, and a pacifist?  Literally the only thing that you can do is hit people with pieces of metal particularly well, and somehow you even managed to screw that up."

3.  "Oh, I'm aware that, as a wizard, full-plate armor gives me massive penalties.  I'm also aware that most wizards don't survive past fifth level, so you can take your list of ideal equipment and shove it up your rectum."

4.  "Yes, I'm a bard.  No, I don't play the lute, I play the electric guitar.  What?  They don't?  Well, fine, I play the artificer's guitar."

5.  "I don't have to outrun the dire bear.  I just have to outrun you."

6.  "Weren't you paying attention?  I don't care if we can 'probably' take the bear down, all I have to do is outrun you."

7.  "Okay, now that we've killed the bad guy, I start eating him.  What?  I'm a catfolk, and he's covered in flesh.  It makes perfect sense."

8.  "Listen, Your Highness, I'm not saying that burning down the orphanage was just.  I'm not saying it was right.  I'm not even saying that we have a good excuse.  All I am saying is that we're level twelve, and you're packing guards who are maybe level seven."

9.  "So the villain's in there?  That building right there?  The one made of wood?  Someone pass me a tinderbox."

10.  "You're just being prejudiced against my catfolk paladin because you don't want me to eat people.  WHY WON'T YOU RESPECT MY CULTURE?!"

3 comments:

  1. hahaha, i lol'd at the last one

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  2. That pretty much sums up every RPG imo.

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  3. you're right, but these cliches are what I love about them

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